"Don’t Exclude Our Gay, Orthodox Children" by Sunnie Epstein
2/19/14 Jewish Exponent- As a Modern Orthodox Jew and a Jewish educator, I have written, spoken and taught about homosexuality and our need as a community to address this issue within the framework of halacha, or Jewish law, for many years. I had already been an advocate for the LGBTQ community for decades when our daughter Rachie, one of our four children, came out more than four years ago.
Why? Because I feel that as religious Jews, we have a moral imperative to ensure that all members of our community are safe, valued and healthy. We are taught to use the midah of compassion here, as we do for so many other issues. When Rachie was 22 years old, she called me and my husband, and in the course of our conversation, basically said, “Mom, I am seeing someone I really care about, and this person is a woman. I am gay.” Neither of us were surprised. I asked her if she was happy and if this was a true expression of her core personality. My husband, Ken, just reminded her to stay safe and not do anything dangerous.
As an educated person, I am certain that biology and “how we are wired” is just the way G-d makes us. Furthermore, I am aware that 10 to 15 percent of any community is on the gay spectrum, and there is no exemption from this reality in the religious Jewish community.
My husband and I firmly believe that as shomrei mitzvot, or Torah-observant, Jews, we have an obligation to accept, protect and value all human beings who are created in the image of G-d,betzelem elokim. G-d makes us as G-d chooses and we are not to stand in judgment nor are we to exclude those that G-d creates, for every human being is designed by G-d, and to allow any such exclusion is to directly insult G-d as well as the person excluded. Halacha teaches us this.
Of course, many in our community and extended family do not see it this way. Rachie has not been able to see herself associated with anything “Orthodox,” though she is observant and engaged Jewishly in profound and meaningful ways.
However, this has changed recently, due to her involvement in ESHEL, the Orthodox LGBTQ community that is named for the tent into which Avraham and Sarah invited all who came by. Rachie —and the rest of us — now has a home for her religiously observant, gay self.
I am deeply saddened by any community that judges and pushes our daughter away. Any community that does not fully embrace and value Rachie is the one that loses, for she is a gifted young lady and an observant and knowledgeable Jew. I often lament how our observant communities are sending away some of our exceptional people who could contribute so much and would — if only they were embraced and valued instead of judged and excluded.
Now that Rachie is committed to spending her life with her beloved Liz, our main challenge is how we as a family navigate our Orthodox community. We are making some decisions that are seen as compromises to some but allow us to more successfully achieve our goal.
For example, in planning a Shabbat Kiddush for the couple, we will do this at our home with friends and community members, rather than at our synagogue, to ensure that those present want to be part of the celebration. We will plan their wedding with the same approach, knowing that some relatives and friends will not attend.
As time goes on and we come to terms with the reality of all members of our observant world, our hope is that more of our community will learn to see and accept and value each of our children for who they are and the sexuality they were born with.
Jewish Exponent: http://www.jewishexponent.com/don-t-exclude-our-gay-orthodox-children
Sunnie Epstein and her family are active members of ESHEL, which is planning a Parent Retreat March 7-9 at Capital Camps in Waynesboro, Pa. Contact the author at: shulisrose@ aol.com or Miryam Kabakov at: miryam@eshelonline.org.
Other Blogs/Websites
-
Parshat Bo: Can I ask a favour?
-
Parshat Bo: Can I ask a favour? Rabbi Michael Laitner is Director of
Education for the United Synagogue in London and Assistant Rabbi at
Finchley Synagogue...
1 day ago
-
Forum: Change and Suppression Practices in the Jewish Community
-
UPCOMING EVENT Forum: Change and Suppression Practices in the Jewish
Community A forum for our community to learn about the LGBTQA+ Change and
Suppression ...
4 days ago
-
Closeness and The Capitol
-
Remarks shared with Hillel colleagues, January 2021: As always, I’m so
thankful for such a stellar group of colleagues and for the space that’s
been create...
1 week ago
-
Rabbi Hayyim Angel: Israel in the Bible
-
Once you have registered, you will receive a confirmation email. This email
will contain the Zoom login for you to join the class. if you do not
receive th...
3 weeks ago
-
-
Life Under Coronavirus: Weeks 2-4
-
Much has happened. We have transitioned to life under coronavirus, our new
normal. At this point, we know how to navigate Zoom classes and my
daughter's as...
9 months ago
-
Parshiyot of Miracles and Wonders by Rabba Claudia Marbach
-
Parshiyot of Miracles and Wonders To paraphrase Paul Simon, “these are
parshiyot of miracles and wonders.” Perhaps it is because we know these
stories so w...
1 year ago
-
Parsha Perspectives: Parshat Terumah
-
Parsha Perspectives: Parshat Terumah
Insights into Parshat Terumah by Rabbi Eliahu Birnbaum – Director of OTS's
Beren-Amiel and Straus-Amiel Emissary Tra...
2 years ago
-
Update on Tuvia Perlman
-
On Tuesday, I published a Facebook post about a man named Tuvia Perlman,
who worked as a teacher and a choir director in Milwaukee after moving
there from ...
3 years ago
-
"Coming out” as a parent of a gay child
-
March 7, 2017, 1:47 pm
My elder son David was fifteen when he told us he was gay – not that he had
actually intended to tell us quite then.
He said he was...
3 years ago
-
When There Is No Derech from Which to Stray
-
This weekend I had the amazing opportunity to represent (JQY) Jewish Queer
Youth at Keshet's Shabbaton for LGBTQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender,
and ...
6 years ago
-
All this happened!
-
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rabbi-shmuly-yanklowitz/orthodox-rabbi-gay-marriage_b_4452154.html
A modern orthodox rabbi "comes out" in support of gay rights...
7 years ago
-
Blogging for Me
-
When I came out, it wasn’t for anyone but myself. I came out to be true to
who I was, because there was something inside of me that kept me from being
my...
7 years ago
-
Hello world!
-
On Christmas morning, 2012, I woke up to an email from a friend, responding
to an email I had sent in June. In that June coming-out email, I had
announced ...
7 years ago
-
Remember me?! UPDATE!
-
Hello everyone!
Sorry I haven't written anything in quite awhile, but these past six
months have been very grueling! I was in two schools (LIM Col...
8 years ago
-
Everyone is Special
-
A few weeks ago, I was at a popular yeshiva day school in the tri-state
area. While I was there, the school was holding a “parade” to celebrate the
boys’...
8 years ago
-
Impact
-
I know I haven't written in quite a while- over a month, actually. It's
partly been because life has been extra-busy recently, and mostly because
of the wr...
8 years ago
-
The Spouse Hunt
-
I grew up with the mentality of looking at anyone who even thought to get
married before securing a job as completely ridicules and irresponsible. I
have r...
11 years ago
-
-
-
-
-
-
No comments:
Post a Comment
TO COMMENT: