"THE PINK ELEPHANT" Use your voice and speak up! Syrian Jews

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Pink Elephant: "Something so large and obvious (like a pink elephant), but nobody says a word, like it doesn't exist, making the whole circumstance very awkward."


Start a local "Pink Elephant Club", to help support and improve our community in a progressive manner. 

This article is made up of 5 parts: 
Click the read more button below 




PART 1:Is it religion or insanity?  


         I know this might seem long, but I assure it's worth it. My intention in writing this is to give a voice to that "Pink Elephant" in the room. I want to draw attention to what is not being dealt with in the Syrian Jewish Community. I think the Image Magazine does more than it's fair share to show how perfect our community is. The Community does have some wonderful attributes from charity, family, bonds and feeling a part of. It's wonderful to be able to trace and know everyone's grandparents and so on. The problem is, what if you don't fit the mold? No one talks about the "Pink Elephant". So I am not writing to say everything that everybody has heard everyday for their entire life. I also want to be clear in stating that every community has issues and some deal with them better than others. Is it ok to sacrifice the minorities of the community to satisfy the majority? And where does Social Justice come in? Should people be silent while their brothers and sisters are hurting? Are we teaching our children to fight for what they believe in? I will do my best to start a dialogue and provoke people to think and question. 
         People should think about where Anti-Semitism comes from and how things we might do effect it. They should ask many questions that are not being asked. Should we question the edict against conversion ? 
         Should we put more sanctions on women? We have already pretty much banned most young women from going to colleges out of Brooklyn and Deal. Maybe we should make an edict against women going to school period (Elementary on). What if we are the cause of not finding a cure for cancer, because we are stopping women from being all they can be? Maybe we should just have them go to finishing schools taught by Syrian mothers, so they can learn to be the perfect housewife and mother. 
         Should we persecute Gays? Are some people drunk with power? Is it important to care about every single human being, no matter what? At what point does strictness become intolerable? At what point do people fight for what they really believe in? 
         When do rabbis that believe in social justice speak up? When do rabbis and leaders that disagree with the edict speak up? It looks like people continue to get bullied and just stay silent, because they don't want to cause issues. They don't realize as they have stayed silent through the years, the "Right wing" has been pushing through their agenda. They have no qualms standing up for what they believe in and shoving it down people's throats! 
         Should we allow rabbis to bash and ignore other rabbis, because they have different opinions? Some rabbis won't even perform a wedding with another rabbi. It feels like the rabbinate has become like Congress. Nothing gets done, they get paid and people continue suffering!
         Why don't community leaders make the change? As long as it doesn't affect me directly, then why should I get involved and tell people what I believe in? 
Part 2:Leaders with Bad Judgement and Chillul Hashem (Desecrating the name of God)
         Please read the comments below made by a few community members (Rabbi Abadie and Jakie Kassin)  in the NYTimes and my responses. The article is speaking about the Edict in the Syrian Jewish community not accepting converts.
Article: "Abadie and Kassin agree that the vast majority of SY youth abide by the strictures of the Edict. “Ninety-nine percent accept it,” Kassin said. “When someone doesn’t, it’s painful, but it’s better to lose a kid here and there and save the community. Families get sick over it, sure, but that’s how it is.”

Me:  So..."that's how it is?" So losing kids is no big deal? We find more and more ways to exclude our kids, not to find ways to include them. Is this really what they think Judaism is about? Have people gotten so stuck in the game of who is more religious that they forgot they are dealing with humans? 

Article: “Never accept a convert or a child born of a convert,” Kassin told me by phone, summarizing the message. “Push them away with strong hands from our community. Why? Because we don’t want gentile characteristics.”

Me: Gentile Characteristics?  As leaders and rabbis in the community, it might be smart to hold back on your bigoted comments when speaking to the NYTimes as representatives of the Syrian Jewish Community. 

Article: “It’s really a matter of statistics,” he explained to me. “Except for the Orthodox, the American Jewish community is shrinking, disappearing. In two generations, most of their grandchildren won’t even be Jews. But our community is growing. We have large families, five or six children. And only a tiny fraction of our kids leave. The Edict is what makes that true.”

Me: When I was growing up people told me that our community was special. We are better than everyone around us and should love and embrace what we have. They never told me the next part. We work on stats and do not value every single person. Why are we not looking at why people are leaving, or are miserable in the community? Why not look at why families are splitting up over business issues and how to help in that area? What about families that won't spend a holiday at a relatives home because they are not as strict on kashrut as them? What about teaching more about honesty in business? We have some Conversion is allowed in the Torah (Bible), but the community decided to outlaw it for the overall good of the community. 

I thought of some great ideas. We should not allow women to go to weddings, shuls, funerals or anything else, because this might get the men aroused. Or let's mandate separate restaurants for men and women in order to make sure one man doesn't covet his neighbors wife. This can also help reduce premarital sex (which of course does not happen). Another idea would be to inspect every man to find out if he is gay and not let him into shul because he might get turned on by the guy next to him. Maybe, we should sit him in the ladies section. Maybe, we should ask women to sit in the back of the bus? 

PART 3:Rediculist!   


Where does this nonsense end? 

         What is the ratio we should shoot for? Do rabbis meet monthly to go over numbers and see how many we can afford to lose? If 5% is this months target and we only lose 4%, then can we lose 6% next month to make up for the losses. 

         We have yeshivas in the community turning our children away from a Jewish education, in fear that they might be a convert. Maybe we should have mandatory blood tests to go to nursery? This way we can make sure this 4 year old doesn't have tainted blood. A new rabbi at one of our community schools in Deal, New Jersey has decided to turn away some families, because he did not trust the background of these children. So now the edict is being used for everything? I might be wrong, but are people trying to just get stricter on anything they feel like? A few of the older rabbis in that area told that young rabbi to let the children in and this younger rabbi decided not to. He doesn't trust a conversion that was sanctioned years ago. This young inexperienced rabbi disrespects the older, more experienced rabbis that know these families? How does the board of the school allow this? How do the people that donate money to the school allow this? STOP! Hold back your donations and  TAKE A STAND AGAINT INJUSTICE! Why is it ok to see  ANOTHER FAMILY SUFFER and everyone STAY SILENT? When will you take a stand?  IF NOT NOW WHEN? Would you do it for your family? If some people are going to be turned away from a community school, then every parent should threaten to take their children out until this is fixed. Did we forget what we are about? Who gave anyone the right to treat people this way? People have gotten drunk with power and have hijacked the community! 
         We should have a voting system to allow every parent to have a say on issues pertaining to their children in Yeshiva day schools. Should parents not be allowed to vote or have a say in what their child is learning? Should they not have a say on a school's anti-bullying policies? When they pay $15,000 a child per year, I think they deserve more respect. These decisions should not be made solely by the people that have money or the rabbi. Public schools might become the next option for some. 
         People think they are doing what God wants, but are destroying people's lives. When people say certain words to justify treating others in a reprehensible manner, such as "in the name of God" or  "allahu akbar", they are perverting what God is all about. It is blasphemy to use Gods name for the reason why one is justified to destroy lives, break  families apart and deny children the right to a Jewish education! Who gives anyone the right to think they belong and the next one doesn't? 

         If a child is GAY, what should we do? Should we lock him away? Should we send him for shock therapy? Should we send him to conversion therapy? Should we send him to an Island? Should  shun him in public? Should we send people to beat him until he turns straight? Should we take him to a prostitute? Or maybe, we should tell him to commit suicide? Hmmm.....
         Well the community decided at some point that we should ignore the issue, as if it doesn't exist. Some rabbis speak about it from the "bully pulpit" as a huge sin and should be eradicated. I have never heard of a speech to tell people to be tolerant and loving to all, including the gays. I have never heard them say that it is not up for us to judge others. I have never heard a rabbi speak about bullying and that we have to work to eradicate that. 

Leaders, it is time for you to speak up. Stop ignoring the "Pink Elephant". 

Is it ok to continue ignoring those that need the support the most? 

Part 4:Conversation with a friend 

Friend:  I can say I agree with almost everything the blog is stating, but i do have a more positive outlook.  (Borrowing a line from your team) "It gets better".. The community is so large and is only getting bigger. Based on the size alone these edicts and intolerance will not be able to hold forever. There will be many different splits, synagogues and philosophies and people will pick what they feel is right for themselves. Some will go ignorant and others will open their mind.
My Response: But it hasn't gotten better at all. 
Everyone I speak to says it is getting worse and worse.
I have been contacted by mothers in Brooklyn, NYC , Deal and other areas people left to. And you would not believe the stories and the horror scenes. Mothers are saying, they do not want their children to grow up in such a insular, bigoted, intimidating, bulldozing community.
The "Right Wing" has infiltrated every area of the community and nobody is standing up against it , nobody is fighting back. Their are very few moderate rabbis and they never speak up in fear of retaliation from the  "Right Wing" bullies .. In 40 years, the Syrian Community is  going to be like borough park.  It is going to be the people that decided to get more religious and the outcasts! 
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Part 5:Comments

Anonymous said...

Same thing is going on in the Persian communities by the way. No converts allowed. We also have excommunication of gays. Crazy, isn't it... :/

January 1, 2012 9:07 AM 

Gay Syrian Jew.... said...

Mr. Anonymous... If you would like to talk further about this and other issues, you can email me from the site. Everything remains confidential! The community doesn't excommunicate gays physically, but definitely show the prejudice. You also have ignoramus's that say things that are absolutely inappropriate. The problem is too many think they have the right to tell others whats right and wrong.  

January 1, 2012 6:19 PM 

Gay Syrian Jew.... said...

I think some of the Middle Eastern Jews took on the same extremist views and ideas that can be seen in many Muslim communities. A lot of it has to do with the lack of education. They run their shuls, schools and communities in the same type of dictatorship style we see in the Middle East. People are in fear of speaking out in their communities, because what the rabbis and leaders might do to their families.

Dedicated to the One's Suffering Everyday, But Have No Voice.
The link for the excerpts I put above. 
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/14/magazine/14syrians-t.html?pagewanted=1


Please forgive any grammer or spelling above.