Friday, January 6, 2012

"Homosexuality: Nature vs. Nurture"- My story and the video..

      This has a total of 5 shortish paragraphs..    

          According to the video below, each older brother one has increases the chances of being a homosexual( I am the youngest of 4 boys). Also, if one is right handed that increases the odds (I am right handed). Two sets of identical twins are shown in the video. One in each set are homosexual. One loved the color pink, helping in the kitchen, barbies, nail polish and so on. It reminded me of when I was very young, I would go through my mothers make-up and nail polish drawer. Some might say it was just a child's curiosity. Anytime I was caught, I felt very shameful. It is not her fault, but these were just things that were unexpected and threw her off. I also loved Tina Turner and would dance and sing like her for family. Any family or social event, I always hung out with the mothers/ladies. I just felt like they had the most fun! Some parents might think if you take away the barbies, make up, buy only blue, black and white clothes and anything somewhat effeminate, then they will become or stay straight. In fact, this makes it worse. Gender expression is important. If you push your son to play baseball and they would rather go to art class, allow them to be children. After all, I went to art class with Marcy for years.

        God bless my mother. She always wanted me to do manly things and thought cooking in the kitchen was not. I had older brothers that were all basketball stars and then there was me. They had shelves of trophies and were stars on their teams. I was put in basketball leagues, baseball leagues, football and so on and I am still gay.
         When I was a child, I used to always want to help in the kitchen. I would cut the string bean ends, roll yebra, role kibbe balls and even made an entire Friday night dinner once for the family. I cooked because my parents were flying home from Europe and I wanted everyone together. Everybody said it was delicious.
         One might ask, how I knew how to make kibbe mushroom, Blahat, rice, chicken w/ potatoes, Rubeh with Heshu, Kibbe Cherry, Kibbe Hamda, Mechshy, kibbe Bizeh and string beans w/ allspice. Well, my mother never wanted me in the kitchen. She always told me I didn't belong there, but I wouldn't give up trying, so I just sat at the kitchen table while she cooked. At times, I would play sick on Fridays in order to be involved in this process of cutting the potatos, frying, rolling and all. I can still smell and taste those wonderful Shabbat meals. I was amazed how my mother would never measure anything. No matter what she did the food was amazing. So I had to watch and ask, how do you know how much spice, salt, oil to put in? She would say I just do and that's just how she was taught.
          This Nature vs. Nurture argument is moot to me. I know that if it was one or the other, that we still turn out the same. I went to reparative therapy when I was 20 to change my sexual orientation. I was very involved in the community and being gay didn't fit into the plan. After two years of being promised it would "cure" me, I was devastated. Prayer, learning, fantasizing about women and many other ideas did not change my sexual orientation. I am not a scientist, nor am I a psychologist to be able to give you any definitive answers. The only thing I know is that it never went away and no matter how much I tried, it was a losing battle. We need a lot more extensive research on these issues.


  1. And what about masculine gay men?

  2. I am a biologist by profession, and from my understanding and research, sexuality is biological in that gay and straight men have very different hormone levels (even prenatal, in the womb) and neurobiology. Gay brains are different than straight brains, to oversimplify. There is simply not a "gay gene", rather overexpression or downregulation of certain combinations of genes that leads to the predisposition to be non-heteronomative. Nurture also plays a huge role in developing one's sexuality. This is clear because not all sets of identical twins (who share a zygote, placenta, and genome) are both homosexual. A great book to read is by Joan Roughgarten, Evolution's Rainbow. I absolutely love it. If anyone has any science-related questions, I'd love to help.

    Also, Syrian food is my most favorite thing to cook. I taught my boyfriend how to roll yebra (grapeleaves) last weekend--he loves Syrian food and demands it quite often! I'm actually eating leftover Mehshe from a few days ago...

    I've been in the kitchen since age 3, worked and managed several restaurants in Deal, and I now have a small catering business, The Epicurean Joe. Keep on cooking!



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